Yes, that was a big decision. That too for a girl who used to be a top ranking student, have worked with 2 software giants, has a lot of dreams and aspirations, it was really a big thing to leave all that behind and be a housewife, though it is for a while. But what made me take that decision? Do I still feel fine about that? I tell you here. It may help a new Mom who is struggling to decide, just like I was then.
1. The bond, it’s now or never:
Money can be made anytime. But the bond, its now or never. Experts say that the right time to build the bond between you and your child is the first few years. If I miss to build the bond now, I can not expect my child to listen to me or to share things with me as a friend any time in her life. If I leave behind everything else and pamper her with all my effort now, I build a trust that, ‘Mama will always be there when I need her’. That way, I can always expect my child to come to me to share that little secret. Some of my Mom friends worry about their children getting too attached to the caretaker. The solution they go for is, changing the caretaker once in a while so that she doesn’t get attached to anyone that much. Good that, I never had to have such worries. It’s always me and my child.
2. To lay a better foundation for my child’s physical and mental development:
You may know that 80% of a child’s brain development happens in the first 3 years. It’s also proven that the mother’s warmth and care in essential for a child’s development to be on track. Studies show that the babies who get the warmth of their mother round the clock have a positive effect in the production of brain cells. Studies apart, I personally wanted to play an active part in their development. If it’s not my responsibility, no one else’s. I don’t need a study result to tell me that. Besides, raising a happy and content child is important for a better future. Spending money alone can’t do that. Spending time with them definitely does.
3.I just wanted to enjoy motherhood to the fullest, not confusing things and finally ending up not doing justice to either sides:
Your baby, when she arrives at your hand, has the magical power of putting your world up side down. Your world starts to revolve around her. She occupies your mind so fully that leaving her at home and being at office means you are only physically present there. While she can’t communicate yet, she can’t even convey her needs, I can’t sit peacefully and say, “It’s okay, she’s gonna be fine. I can work now”. This would certainly affect the pace, quantity and quality of my work. Missing deadlines, crashed appraisals.. I may finally end up taking my office laptop at home, which in turn, eats up all the quality time with my baby. Finally, I’m not doing justice to both my roles. Obviously, I don’t want that. Also that, in my opinion, the job of ‘being a mother’ can’t be done as a part time job. So, ‘I am a full time mother’ makes sense to me.
4. I don’t really care about those “So, you don’t work?”s:
We can’t deny that some of us do not want to leave the job, just because they don’t want to be a SAHM. It’s not that you feel inferior. People make you feel inferior. Wherever you go, there will be that one person to ask you, “So, you don’t work?”. (“What the hell!! What else do you think I’m doing at home?”. Okay, I know. it’s an entirely different story which calls for an exclusive post) We live in a poor society which thinks, if you are an SAHM, you know nothing but cooking. But why should I care about them anyhow. They are not going to babysit tonight. “Yes, I am a full time mother. But, why am I supposed to feel so inferior about that. I may not be wearing a tag and a card. What I am wearing is a crown. Yes, that’s how my child looks at me. I’m a queen in her world. No one has ever given me such a honor. And It’s not fair if I do not give her back what she deserves, an undivided attention.”
5. Above all, I had enough confidence on me and my skills:
Yes, you are right. In my industry, a ‘gap’ matters. With a 3 year old son and a 5 month old daughter, I already got a gap of 3+ years and still counting. I can still confidently say, “No, I’m not going to be a doormat wife forever.” Even if I’m not so preferred in my industry, I would just say, “Ok guys, the loss is yours” and walk on. This is a world of opportunities. Based on your skills, you can always assume a new career and be successful in that. Life starts at 30 you know.
All these being the reasons why I chose to be a ‘Full time mother’ for a while, Do I still feel fine about that?
Yes I do:
Oh yeah! I heard you right, being a SAHM does have its own downside. You lose your financial independence. You can’t help feeling like a household machine at times. You get little or no time for yourself. Often, I tend to ask myself, ‘Does it really worth it?”. But at the end of the day, things always make me realize ‘Yes.It does’. Coming to the stress part, there are more than a dozen ways you can get rid of it.. I’m soon writing on that.
So mommies, I just shared my thoughts on this. Share your thoughts too. Also, just like I had reasons to be a full time mom, a working mom would have her own reasons why she chose to be one. We would love to hear them as well.
When a baby is born, all that she knows is her mom. She still thinks herself as a part of her mom. It takes a while for a baby to realize that she is an individual being. She gets to know her father, her siblings, her first toy.. her world grows very slow. It’s important for me to hold her hands at least till she thinks, ‘Hey, It’s okay. These people are not aliens anymore’.
Happy mommying!!! Take care!!!